Perception is Reality

Here’s the thing about perception: It is YOUR reality.  So it’s not that hard for me to try and understand it.  Yes, I tend to be naive so that is part of it too.  But the only way you are ever going to help someone whose perceptions are off is by loving them and trying to understand them.

Patience and love are all you need.

Whether it be as a clinical psychologist, a friend, a partner, a coworker, a stranger, someone you dislike – Especially someone you dislike.

Have a good day everyone! It is beautiful outside 🙂

Grief

Having recently experienced an unexpected trauma (and I guess that’s the point, who ever expects this kind of thing), I have learned a thing or two about how others respond to it.  In wanting to talk about the trauma itself, other people get uncomfortable.  It is like no one knows how to handle any real pain any more.  If someone is mourning the loss of a loved one, the advice “Stay strong!” really is not helpful.

Someone I love died.  It is OKAY and NORMAL to be sad he is dead.  He’s not coming back.  It IS a loss.

Let me freaking grieve it.

When someone is grieving, simply say something compassionate like, “I’m sorry for your loss.”  Then take the cue from the grieving individual as to how to proceed.

Say the same kinds of things to them that you would if you saw them at a funeral.  And if they want to talk about it, heck, if they need to talk about it (which everyone does) – LET them.  Don’t tell them to “stay strong” as if feeling your feelings is weak.  It is normal and healthy to process the loss.  What is unhealthy is to continue to act like it doesn’t exist.

Show compassion.  Always.  Even when it’s hard.  Even when you don’t feel like it.  Love one another.  It’s that simple. ❤

A Beautiful Life

My friend hung himself with a black canvas belt in his closet one month ago today.  These are the facts.

In his final moments, he felt he deserved to hang in his closet like a human shirt.

As an *almost* clinical psychologist, I deal with trauma every day.  I never expected to see it firsthand.  That being said, there is something so beautiful in the way his death is bringing all of his friends and family together.  It says a lot about the wonderfully beautiful life that he lived.

I miss him.  Every minute of every day.  I was teaching him the moves to the Cupid Shuffle the night he died.  My in-laws bought a karaoke machine called the Party Rocker for my sister-in-law’s upcoming wedding.  We were out on the deck, dancing side by side and having fun.  R was right up in there, being the little light that he always was.  There were green and red lights dancing up above and I remember thinking in that moment, “This is magical.”

Now I know how magical it truly was.

I will always miss him.  It is unfortunate that in the end, he felt too consumed by the darkness to continue on.

But his death inspires me.  To know better.  To DO better.  All of the things I want to change in the world, well – I’m now ready to start trying.

I love him.  And am thankful for the last four and a half months he gave us.  I hope you are Cupid Shuffling up there in Heaven.  I love you.  “‘Til the day we meet again, in my heart is where I’ll keep you friend.” ❤