Reflection

A lot can change in a year.  I mostly started this blog to express my opinions and concerns in regards to mental health/stigma and the tragic loss of someone like Robin Williams.  Then, a friend passed away unexpectedly in a very similar fashion.  Now, I am about to move across the country in a few days to a large city in the Midwest.

I’m excited at what the future holds, eager to explore a new city, but sad to leave behind loved ones and my dog Ella.  The death of Robin Williams is still just as sad, albeit a little more bearable.  I would say the same about my friend, the only difference being I miss C. on a much more personal level, anytime my husband and I experience something we know he would have liked it is especially difficult and we imagine what it would have been like if he were there with us in person.

I don’t have any good answers for why someone chooses to end their life or magic ways to try and stop it.  Unfortunately, if someone is committed to hurting themselves they will ultimately find a way.  But I’d like to think by showing someone love and support it might help them to feel heard and understood, if only for a moment.  Whether they simply need to vent some of the painful emotions they are feeling or just need the listening ear of a friend, I think it is essential that we all try and be as kind as we are able to one another.  We are human, so of course we are not perfect and will have slip-ups, but at the end of the day we are all more human than otherwise.  People need love, support, and kindness (with or without mental illness), the more we show this kind of affection to others the greater the ripple effect will be.  How wonderful it would be if we created a society in which it was okay for someone to admit they are feeling depressed, anxious, psychotic and maybe even suicidal and not have our first reaction be to judge them but to try and help in whatever small way we can.  Something as simple as a smile and a few minutes of your time can do more than you’ll ever know.

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Perception is Reality

Here’s the thing about perception: It is YOUR reality.  So it’s not that hard for me to try and understand it.  Yes, I tend to be naive so that is part of it too.  But the only way you are ever going to help someone whose perceptions are off is by loving them and trying to understand them.

Patience and love are all you need.

Whether it be as a clinical psychologist, a friend, a partner, a coworker, a stranger, someone you dislike – Especially someone you dislike.

Have a good day everyone! It is beautiful outside 🙂

A Beautiful Life

My friend hung himself with a black canvas belt in his closet one month ago today.  These are the facts.

In his final moments, he felt he deserved to hang in his closet like a human shirt.

As an *almost* clinical psychologist, I deal with trauma every day.  I never expected to see it firsthand.  That being said, there is something so beautiful in the way his death is bringing all of his friends and family together.  It says a lot about the wonderfully beautiful life that he lived.

I miss him.  Every minute of every day.  I was teaching him the moves to the Cupid Shuffle the night he died.  My in-laws bought a karaoke machine called the Party Rocker for my sister-in-law’s upcoming wedding.  We were out on the deck, dancing side by side and having fun.  R was right up in there, being the little light that he always was.  There were green and red lights dancing up above and I remember thinking in that moment, “This is magical.”

Now I know how magical it truly was.

I will always miss him.  It is unfortunate that in the end, he felt too consumed by the darkness to continue on.

But his death inspires me.  To know better.  To DO better.  All of the things I want to change in the world, well – I’m now ready to start trying.

I love him.  And am thankful for the last four and a half months he gave us.  I hope you are Cupid Shuffling up there in Heaven.  I love you.  “‘Til the day we meet again, in my heart is where I’ll keep you friend.” ❤